Episodes 50 and 51 - Every Day is a Gift

LISTEN TO PART 1 of the episode

LISTEN TO PART 2 of the episode

HANNAH: If you could just tell me a little bit about your experience grieving and missing friends in your life.

TEKQUIREE: It’s been an interesting journey with that and I think because of my own journey with having to face death myself, that I have made a lot of peace with it. I’ve realized that even though I am still grieving and I miss my friends so much, that it gives me peace knowing that they’re on the other side. And that they’re with God. And that God held their hand. And through it all, and that’s the part that makes me okay with it.

But then I have moments where I cry, obviously, and I miss them. And I wish they were still here. I wish they got to experience more life. One of my very closest friends who transitions; and even as an adult, we’re like, oh we’re going to go back to our elementary school. We’re going to have a match because we used to battle each other. It’s like, I’m going to beat you in tetherball. No, I’m going to beat you in tetherball. That was our thing. But it brought us so much joy. And we would talk about that and playing double dutch and making things like when we were in elementary school. Barney was out and we would make like the Barney car and different things like that for our classroom because we had to make all of these different things for school.

And so thinking about the moment that I shared with my friends, it makes me cry because I’m like, wow, I got to experience those moments. Like how lucky am I that this person shared these moments with me? Like my friend Natasha, my wedding, my baby shower, my engagement party, all of these things. Because we also lived far away. Like I left and she moved to Sacramento. I left the state and then I moved to LA. And so we weren’t like in the same city or town anymore. And then she flew all the way. She was in my wedding to Jamaica to be in my wedding.

And so did my husband’s friend Doug, who also transitioned. And we think about like, wow, those things happened. And I got to do that with that person. So it makes me happy and brings me so much joy. And then it makes me sad because it’s like, dang, I want to create more memories with that person. Or the fact that she has kids and I wish she could be around for them, more than me. I wish she could be around for them and her family. Yeah just to see what would happen in their lives like 5, 10, 20 years from now. And then I have moments when I think about them and I just start crying.

Or like, I have this card from Natasha that I keep in my desk. And it’s like a part of her is still with me. And I leave it there. So it’s like all of the emotions, basically. But more peace than anything. More peace, I think definitely more peace, If this would have happened prior to my diagnosis, I don’t think I would have as much peace, because there’s a lot I had to do internally after that.

HANNAH: Yeah. So you feel like, because you had to face potential death, you had to kind of comes to terms with it in a way. And so then that kind of changed your perspective on yoru friend’s death.

TEKQUIREE: Yeah, absolutely. And it’s this part of surrendering and giving it to God. I absolutely prayed to still be here. I wanted that but at the same time I’m like, God, whatever happens, I’m okay with that. Like, I’m going to surrender to that. I’m going to surrender to the fact that one day we’re all going to transition. And I think it’s beauty in that, but it also can be very hard.

HANNAH: Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

TEKQUIREE: The thought of that, and we just never know when it’s going to happen, which is very interesting because I was diagnosed with stage four inflammatory breast cancer, and you think that something like that, that you would be the first to potentially go, that other people would not transition before you, and I’ve had friends and family members who transitioned over the last several years. And it was definitely a wake-up call for me, where it was like, you just never know what’s going to happen tomorrow. And to live your life like, this is real. And we think we have all this time, and we don’t know what we have.

HANNAH: Yeah, we don’t know. We really don’t. And that can be scary, but also maybe a little freeing in another way. I’m not sure.

TEKQUIREE: Yeah. I think so, I feel like when you’re really able to not even just think about it, but when you feel it in your body, the reality of that, it’s like wow, okay, what am I going to do with my life? And like, someone told me this week, what are you going to do with your seconds? And it’s like, that was so good because the seconds make up the minutes and the minutes make up the hours and only takes a couple of seconds for something to change, you know? I’m like, wow, what am I going to do with my seconds? Like I have a choice.

HANNAH: Yeah, normally you just think what am I going to do with my day? I never break it down into seconds.

TEKQUIREE: No, exactly.

HANNAH: Do you feel like after these various experiences with yourself and with your friends, do you feel like you approach life differently now?

TEKQUIREE: I do. I have way more compassion for people. And I’m not saying that I didn’t have it before, but it’s different because I know that everybody goes through something, or everyone may be dealing with something. And I think before, in a way, it’s kind of like, we’re kind of conditioned to judge people for how thy show up and how they behave, and this is bad, this is good. And although there’s bad behavior and good behavior, I don’t really think of people too much as being bad people or bad kids. I stopped believing in that, and I really start looking at what did this person experience in their life, and why are they behaving this way?

Or what are they really going through? So I think that definitely has changed for me, is the compassion and giving people grace. And it’s no way by any means you treat me bad and I’m going to accept that. And to have boundaries is such a big thing. Everyone talks about boundaries but to have those boundaries when you need them. But instead of scolding someone or going off on someone or judging someone, all the things that’s so easy to do, it’s like, hmmm, I wonder what’s going on with that person that we don’t know about.

HANNAH: That’s beautiful, because it’s so true. Everyone’s going through something and we just don’t know.

TEKQUIREE: We really don’t. I mean, people don’t really talk about it. I mean, there’s so many people, like even friends and family members, they might not tell you exactly what’s going on, because for whatever reason, you know? And of course, you ask somebody, how are they doing? “Oh, I’m good. I’m okay. I’m tired.” It’s like that one-word answer, you know? Then you have like the people who will tell you, or the people you will tell, to people who you trust and can be vulnerable with. But, and I think that’s why a lot of times it’s a shock when things happen, or even when certain people complete suicide, you’re like, “wow, that person was so happy.” And you just don’t know. You don’t know what’s going on with them.

HANNAH: I wish we could be more honest. Cause you’re so right, like “oh I’m fine.” “How are you?” “Fine.” Like that’s our conditioned, literally a script that we learn how to greet people. And it even came to a point where if I was doing really badly, I would say “I’m okay.” And so now whenever someone says they’re “okay” I’m like, “Oh my God, they’re doing terrible.” Cause that’s, that might not be true.

TEKQUIREE: Cause that’s what I would say. So, okay, they just don’t want to talk about it. I’m just going to say “I’m okay.”

HANNAH: How do you know when to talk about it? I don’t know.

TEKQUIREE: Cause sometimes you don’t want to talk about it.

HANNAH: Right. Right.

TEKQUIREE: Or sometimes there are certain people you don’t want to talk about it to. Because it may not be the safest place, you know? You. may not like how that conversation goes. Cause people may not even listen. They just want to fix it as opposed to listening. And I’m learning. Like I’ve definitely learned and I’m still learning how to listen and not offer advice unless I’m asked. Which can be hard.

HANNAH: It’s hard. It’s surprisingly hard. Were there things that people said that were hurtful or shocking or just missed the mark in some way?

TEKQUIREE: Not really. More so after my diagnosis, I got a lot of things where people who meant well would say certain things to me based on their own fears of what they thought I should be doing that I felt was hurtful. And then I had to realize that, oh, they were trying to help, and that’s the best way they knew how to word that. But having to separate from – some of the thoughts or conversations, you know, or being around certain people so that I can focus on what I need to do without feeling overwhelmed by what other people have to say. I don’t think that I’ve ever really experienced that too much with someone transitioning. And maybe it’s because even for my friends, my family loved them too. So it was kind of like also for them losing a sister, because I’ve known her for so long, since fourth grade.

HANNAH: Yeah, that’s a long time.

TEKQUIREE: Yeah. And it was a shock, you know? I mean we were I think 37 at the time.

HANNAH: So she was kind of like an integrated part of your family in a way?

TEKQUIREE: Yeah I mean we’ve known each other since fourth grade. And we used to live down the street from each other. And then she moved but we were still going to the same middle school and high school. And then we kept in touch. On top of that, she came to a lot of the milestones of my life, like major events. And then my grandmother, who was in her early 90s at the time, she decided she’s always wanted to write a book. So my sister and my cousins helped make that happen. Natasha was a phenomenal writer, just great imagination. And so she was the editor of the book.

HANNAH: Oh my gosh.

TEKQUIREE: And so she went to my grandma’s book signing at Barnes and Noble. And her name is listed in the credits of the book. And just such a great moment, you know, and yeah, we were always, especially fourth, fifth, sixth grade, we were always together. And then we were always doing projects together in school, so we were together, you know? Yeah, she’s definitely a part of my family.

HANNAH: And that’s so like, oh my gosh, how special that she was such a part of your grandmother’s book.

TEKQUIREE: Yeah. And she cried too, like we’re both criers, and she was crying that she got to experience that and go to the book signing and she was like “wow, it’s part of your grandma’s book.” And I remember even at my wedding, I can cry thinking about it. You know how everyone goes down the line and they start talking and saying things they have their own speech, and I remember she was telling all the stories about when we were kids and she was like, “I just love this girl so much” and just started crying and I started crying and when I think about it, I start crying. It’s just like we got to experience that moment and it was basically like telling each other as adults how much we really love each other and knowing that because she flew all the way to Jamaica to be in my wedding and I still have the picture of us at the airport at LAX as my profile picture on Facebook. And this year will be my husband and I’s 15th wedding anniversary. Isn’t that so crazy? We got married when we were 26 and so we’re actually going to Jamaica this year to where we got married in June and we’re taking our son Jace with us. He’s 6, he’ll be 7 this year, we want to show him where we got married but also it’s like this paying homage and this rebirth for us both, because my husband I, we’ve experienced so much trauma in our 30s with our health and it’s like, wow, of all the stuff we’ve been through, we got to have our son Jace, which his names means Healer. And God gave me the name for him when I was pregnant with him.

Like around the time when God gave me the name, around the time that I started going to the doctor to see what was going on with me, because I was diagnosed when I was pregnant with him. And God gave me the name. And so we’re like, we got to take Jace there. And because Natasha and Doug, Doug is one of my husband’s very close friends, his brother, and Natasha, one of my very close friends, my sister, they’re both in our wedding, and they both transitioned within the last three years.

HANNAH: Oh my gosh.

TEKQUIREE: When I think about it, the beach and the water and the moment and the memories, like we’re getting to really pay homage to them and really see the beauty of life, and like, wow, we experienced that moment with them here, and then we get to bring our son with us. We’re really excited about it.

HANNAH: Oh my gosh, this sounds like such a special trip. When are you going?

TEKQUIREE: In June, June 20th. Our anniversary is June 21st. So we’re going in June and just thankful, I am just thankful to be alive. And so to do this trip, and to do it with my family and my husband, because he had before my diagnosis he got sick with Crohn’s disease. And so he had to get major surgery where they removed most of his intestines. And so he’s happy that he’s alive. I’m happy that I’m alive. So we’re gonna go do this trip.

HANNAH: It’s like a celebration of life in a way.

TEKQUIREE: Exactly. And I know Doug and Natasha are gonna be celebrating with us too in spirit.

HANNAH: I’d love to explore the idea of closure, and whether that even exists, you know? Is that something you feel in moments, or is it maybe a made up concept that is impossible?

TEKQUIREE: I don’t know if we ever get 100% closure. And I say that because I’ve had a lot of people that I love transition just over a long period of time. And I still find myself having moments when I break down and cry. I could be driving and there’s these beautiful clouds, and the mountain, and the sun, and I’m thinking about God, and I think about them, and I just start bawling. And it’s like, I miss them. So I don’t know if it’s maybe peace, but maybe not closure.

HANNAH: Yeah I like that. That word feels more right to me.

TEKQUIREE: Yeah, like I’ve made peace with it. Like I still miss them. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t like what happened to them. Like I wish they didn’t experience some of the things that they, how they transitioned. Even though I know that there is still peace there. Like, who knows? We hear people don’t even feel it. They just could go numb. Who knows if they felt any pain. We don’t know. We really don’t know. We’re afraid of it because we’re like, wow, that had to be painful. I wouldn’t want to go through that. But who knows what it’s like, especially when someone took a loved one’s life. That part is tough.

HANNAH: That’s so tough.

TEKQUIREE: And then making peace with that. I think time helps with it a bit when you really deal with it and confront it. Or even when you see like, I have two cousins who are both murdered, and my aunts and my uncle, how they have handled it, and how they’ve made peace with it, and how they’re helping other people, and how they talk about like, that’s just one aspect of a person’s life. They lived a whole long life prior to that. So they focus on the fact that they lived this beautiful life and the moments that they shared, and who that person was versus this one day, or this one moment when their life got taken away. And I think that’s so important, even with people who, even when you have a diagnosis, you can begin to just think about just your diagnosis, but you’re more than just that diagnosis, and realizing that you have a whole life.

And I believe when we really focus on the face that we have a whole life, when we’ve lived a whole life, then it’s a bit easier to digest than focusing solely on the fact that this person has been taken away. And I get that’s part of the grieving process, right? It’s like, oh my God, sometimes I can’t believe it. I don’t wanna deal with it. I’m not ready to confront it. I wasn’t ready to let this person go from my life. And I think too, maybe sometimes it’s a bit easier when you know someone was living in a lot of pain, and then they transition. Or like for me, I was able to say goodbye to my friend Natasha, who was in a coma. And her sister allowed me to say goodbye to her through FaceTime, because I was in Georgia, she was in California, and I don’t even know if I fully dealt with it. I know in the moment, it was such a surreal moment, and I cried, and I couldn’t’ believe that was happening.

But at the same time it was like, wow, what an honor it was for her sister, who was like our big sister. Natasha was the baby sister. And she had like 10 other siblings. And the fact that her sister allowed me and a few others, we all got our time to say goodbye to her. That was just like, I think that’s part of the piece too that I have. It wasn’t like I just, you know, it’s different when you get the phone call that this person is no longer here. But the fact that I was a part of her transition is so huge. Because I remember I was on Facebook and people were like, we’re praying for Natasha. I’m like, “what do you mean? Like, what?”

So I called her number to be like, “what’s going on?” And her sister answered the phone and that’s when she told me. So I was able to talk to her sister. The whole process of what Natasha was going through at the hospital and her being in a coma and being able to talk to her. And then finally when they made the decision, they didn’t want her to be a vegetable. And so since I got to experience all of that and was on the journey with them, I think that’s part of the reason why they have more peace about it and praying to God.

And of course, praying so hard. I’ve never prayed so hard in my life. You would think, I mean yes, I prayed for myself, but I’ve never prayed so hard for someone else in my entire life. And I really believe, now that I’m talking about it, that’s part of where my peace came from. I gave it all to God already. And even my son was praying, he was like, “we gotta pray for mommy’s friend. God, please help mommy’s friend Natasha.” And that was just the cutest thing. It’s really amazing.

[End of Part 1]

TEKQUIREE: One of the cards that I have from her is when I was, it was after I was diagnosed. And she was like, “you and your son and your man, y’all are gonna get through this, and you’re gonna have a testimony.” And I had my life party retreat in October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month in 2020. And she donated, and she left me a message in her donation, all donations went to my non-profit, Thrive Beyond Cancer. And I didn’t see her message until after she transitioned. I saw that she was set to attend, and a month later is when everything happened. And December 1st was when she transitioned. So literally less than two months from my event is when she transitioned.

And she was always super supportive of everything I did. She was my biggest cheerleader online. Everything I did, she supported it. And then I remember her saying to me in her message, which is in my email, she made a joke about the Barney cars we used to make in school. And then she was like, “keep doing what you’re doing, because it’s gonna help so many people.” And I didn’t know what she was going through at that time with her health. I had no idea. And it’s such a great reminder for me. Because sometimes we all have our own doubts about what we’re doing, but it’s a great reminder to keep doing what I’m doing, even when I’m doubting myself. And it’s these messages that are here that I get to have, this handwritten note, this email, like it’s her talking.

And it’s things like that that I’m grateful for. She’s not physically here, but her spirit is still alive here. And it’s crazy that we would have doubt or be scared to do things that we know we should do, that we have a calling for, that we can do it, and sometimes other people see it more than we do, because for whatever reason, we’re doubting ourselves, but they see like “yes, I see you doing this. This is what you’re supposed to be doing.” And even just talking to my therapist, she’s like, “you’re qualified.” But for some reason, sometimes we don’t feel as qualified, right? We have these doubts of what have you.

HANNAH: Friends can be a mirror. They can show us sometimes what we can’t see with ourselves.

TEKQUIREE: Or like we know, and then we stop because we have that doubt or we’re scared. But it’s like that thing that they say, right? If it’s scary, that means you’re on the right track.

HANNAH: If you’re sckited [scared + excited]

TEKQUIREE: Yeah, if you’re sckited. Thank you for teaching me that word. If you’re sckited, go for it.

HANNAH: What a beautiful message to have from her. And there’s so many mixed feelings around that, because it’s like you want to get more messages from them, but you’re also so grateful for the ones that you have, but I want to still be able to talk to them. I want them to be here.

TEKQUIREE: Exactly. I have lots of pictures and videos and cards, and we used to send each other birthday cards every year. And we would try to find pennies, dimes, and nickels that had our birthday numbers and different things on it. That was our thing. So when I see those things, it’s like, okay she’s. still here, and we’re going to honor her. And one of my other good friends, Naomi, we went to college together, and her and Natasha ended up being roommates, and another friend Sharon were all roommates in Jamaica for my wedding, and Naomi and Natasha, we call them “Nays” for short, they were both in my wedding, and they became friends. And Natasha transitioned on Naomi’s birthday, which was like so crazy, but it was so beautiful when Naomi was turning 40 in 2021, I turned 40 last year in 2022, and we were thinking about going to Jamaica, and we were going to honor Natasha while we were there. And that didn’t quite happen because of the pandemic and all these things that were happening.

But this year I was like, wow, that didn’t happen then, but this year we get to do that. We get to honor so many things and so many people while we’re in Jamaica. Anniversary, the fact that we’re here, Natasha, Doug, my son, being here and being with us, it’s like the perfect full circle moment.

HANNAH: It’s crazy how life does that.

TEKQUIREE: It really is. Like you have no idea. To truly live our lives and know that every day, every second, every minute is a gift and everybody that we come in contact with. It’s such a gift. And I know sometimes life can feel so overwhelming, but when we’re able to really stop and breathe and take it in, it’s the most beautiful thing.

HANNAH: I go through ups and downs when it comes to whether or not I’m living my life fully. But I do feel like, after my friend passed away, there was a big shift in which I was like, “oh, I really just have to go for it.” And it was kind of like, a horrible reminder about how you just don’t know. Like you were saying, you don’t know how long you have, you don’t know how long you have with the people you love or even with your own life. And I do feel like my life took a pretty sharp turn that would not have happened without that horrible event. Cause yeah, tragedy sometimes does that. It’s just like, oh my gosh, literally what am I gonna do with my seconds today? Cause these are the seconds that I have.

TEKQUIREE: It is the beauty of, I guess, tragedy and trauma. Because even though I don’t wish what I’ve been through on anyone, it gave me a new perspective on life. And like you said, I don’t know if I would have gotten it any other way. You know? Yeah, life is something.

HANNAH: Yeah it is. And I don’t personally believe everything happens for a reason, because then it would be like, “Why? Like she didn’t die for a reason.” That just feels so incredibly icky and wrong, and I do not believe that. But I do believe that sometimes you can learn lessons or gain new perspectives from horrible things, which is the opposite of it happening for a reason.

TEKQUIREE: Right. And even talking to you today and all of this, it’s such a reminder for me, and even when it comes to living our lives, how when I feel like I’m not living my life, it’s really because I’m not doing all that I know I could be doing. That’s what it is. And so there’s this, I don’t even know if void is the right word, but it’s this longing for something deeper, and that longing for something deeper is what I actually came here to do. And it’s the fact that if I’m being scared and I’m not doing it, that’s aprt of me not living my life fully. And I need to be doing that because when I do feel deep in alignment and feel like I’m fully living my life, it’s because I’m not scared to show up and do what I know I’m supposed to be doing in the moment.

When I don’t do that, I feel like I’m not living my life. And so it’s like, whoa, you need to get, or you “get to” get ahead and do that thing that you know you are meant to be doing in this moment. And now I have to go meditate on that. But that’s the truth that I got. Like, what?

HANNAH: Oh yeah. Oh my gosh. It’s crazy because I am kind of learning that like, if we have a vision for something or a strong desire to do it, that is the only permission we need to do that thing.

TEKQUIREE: You are preaching. It’s true. It’s true. And how many times like when you go for it and when you trust that it all works out as it’s supposed to, you know what I mean? Like I have so many examples of that. And it’s like looking for the evidence of, sometimes it’s so easy to go and look for the negative things or why I can’t do something. But if you look for all the reasons why you can and all the proof and evidence that you have about whatever it is, like whether it’s God has my back, I’m always provided for, like I have everything I need. It’s like, well yeah, this is gonna work out. I’m excited. This is what I needed today.

HANNAH: Yeah I feel like I needed that reminder too. I’ve been kind of in a trough of that whole like, “am I even allowed to do this,” you know?

TEKQUIREE: Right! Like why? Why?!

HANNAH: I literally don’t know.

TEKQUIREE: I mean I get that too that’s why I’m saying “WHY?” like for both of us, “WHY?” For all of us, everybody who’s listening who’s going through this, like “WHY??” Like “why not?” And it’s like, “Why not you?” you know what I mean? And it’s like, people are sometimes waiting on you to show up and we’re making all these stories up in our head about why we can’t. And they’re like, well duh I was waiting on you. People are looking for you to give them what they’ve been looking for, that only you can deliver, that you were meant to give to that person on that day.

HANNAH: Can you imagine what the world would be like if every single person did what their vision and heart’s desire told them to do? I just feel like we’re all so squashed by everything that’s bad about that world.

TEKQUIREE: Yes it would be a different world.

HANNAH: It would be a totally different world.

TEKQUIREE: And everyone was like yeah, this is what I’m doing today. And it would, like for that to be the norm, I wanna live in that world.

HANNAH: Oh yeah. Me too. Maybe we can create our own little worlds. Cause I do think that we, it’s that whole quote “no man is an island”. I think there’s a misconception that if we go for what we really want it’s selfish, but I actually think it’s the opposite because it’s kind of contagious. Like it really does spread. Other people see it and then they’re like “oh I can do that too.” It can really transform and heal the world and the people around you, I think.

TEKQUIREE: I totally agree. And I think that’s why we can be drawn to being around people who are living their purpose and not afraid to go after what they want because it really makes us believe that and feel in our bodies that we can do it too. And we know like, we also know who to go to to get inspiration from, who to help us get something done or to also help build us up when we’re down, you know? And wow, this is so powerful. Like the realization of what’s possible, and the possibilities are endless.

HANNAH: Yeah if I ever like open my mind to that, it’s kind of like, so I haven’t personally had experience with psychedelic drugs, but it’s almost like, for a moment, almost feels like I’m on psychedelic drugs because I can literally feel my mind expanding.

TEKQUIREE: Yes and like the ideas and the thoughts and what you want to create, like, wow, that’s possible. And you create them, which is very different from, let me create this to please people, versus I’m creating this because I’m meant to create this. Right? And you feel it like it’s you’re serving. It’s your creation it’s coming from you. And not even to like, let me make money. Let me do this so I can prove to people I’m worthy or for someone to be proud of me or whatever. This is like a genuine, defined creation of what you’re supposed to put out into the world. And that’s what we do when we’re kids. You know what I mean? It’s like we’re so free to just do it and move around and create and then we become adults and it’s like, “Can I do that? I don’t know, I’m doubting myself.” But when I was a kid, I would just go.

HANNAH: Yeah. I heard that they did a study. Statistically, a girls’ confidence peaks at the age of 9. And then it’s downhill after that. Not that they don’t like, I mean, confidence is probably regained as they get older and everything. But as far as like childhood through teenagehood, 9 is when girls are the most confident.

TEKQUIREE: I can totally see that.

HANNAH: Because it’s also like right before puberty, which is when things can get so icky and the world puts expectations on you and you have to put yourself in a box and it’s just a mess.

TEKQUIREE: Yep. It is a whole mess. I’m praying that that changes.

HANNAH: I would love for that to change. But I feel like as I’m coming back to myself, because I do think it’s a coming back to myself the past several years, it has been full circle to like all the things I enjoyed when I was a kid. I was like, “man, I had the answer all along.”

TEKQUIREE: You went around this way. I think it always leads us back to ourselves.

HANNAH: Oh yeah. It’s like if anyone ever feels lost, just think back to what you liked to do when you were a kid. I feel like there’s a nugget there somewhere.

TEKQUIREE: I totally agree. And like to do the things that get you like really excited. You know, sometimes we have a hard time with that. Sometimes we can’t even see that. And we’re just doing all the things, checking off our to do list and not even doing anything that week that we’re super excited about. Which is crazy to me.

HANNAH: It is. We’re taught that to be adults, things should be kind of boring.

TEKQUIREE: Exactly. And that’s where your inspiration comes from. We are able to play, able to do things that fill you up and fill your cup, and like, duh.

HANNAH: This is just a great reminder for me to like, come back to myself, really live a full life.

TEKQUIREE: And I believe that all of the people that we have loved whom we are still grieving to some degree, would want that for us. This has been great. This has been amazing. I have left with so many things and reminder. And I definitely hear Natasha and Doug and all my loved ones telling me to do exactly what I know I should be doing and to live my life.